


Books Are For Crying

by pipsiev2



Series: Books Are For Discovering Yourself [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Hwang Hyunjin, Agender Hyunjin, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Library, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Asexual Character, Asexual Minho, Bisexual Agender Character, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Hyunjin, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Gen, Humor, Light Angst, Panromantic Minho, Self-Discovery, Texting, i guess?, idk i think it's funny like i laughed while writing it, later on, not as relevant in this part but it's still there, panromantic character, the humor is, woojin's here for like .5 seconds, you'll know the part when you see it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipsiev2/pseuds/pipsiev2
Summary: Hyunjin likes to pretend that all of this could've happened without Minho, but they know that that's not true at all.questioning Hyunjin ft. lowkey supportive Minho, Jisung, and Jeongin (even if they don't know what's going on)





	Books Are For Crying

**Author's Note:**

> the writing style in this may seem a bit weird? sorry
> 
> also, i live in america so i'll be basing the education levels off of how they go here so:  
>  **Jeongin:** Freshman  
>  **Hyunjin:** Sophomore  
>  **Jisung:** Sophomore  
>  **Minho:** Junior  
>  **Woojin:** Senior

Sometimes, Hyunjin really hates Minho.

Minho can be rude, and obnoxious, and has a brutal honesty that could make even a Woojin in full-parent mode cry. He can be blunt, and annoying, and his sweet looks somehow lets him get away with almost  _everything_ (and Hyunjin can, sadly, attest to that fact).

Really, it's a wonder how Minho and Hyunjin manage to maintain a stable friendship, especially considering their first meeting (that Minho is determined to forget and Hyunjin refuses to forget because  _"Minho, I still don't understand_ how _the three of you managed to do something_ that  _stupid"_ ).

So, yeah, Hyunjin hates Minho, at least partially. After all, it's not like Minho is a particularly generous person (okay, that's a lie considering how much food he's lost to Hyunjin, Jeongin, and Jisung, and considering the fact that he stays with Woojin to help clean up after they all stay at his place, and, okay, there's a lot that Minho does that's generous but Hyunjin won't just  _admit_ that).

Which, in retrospect, is  _probably_ why Hyunjin didn't immediately tell Minho when he forgot his book at Hyunjin's dorm (And yeah, that's kid of a dick move, but Minho once let Hyunjin rant on the phone for half an hour about how Hyunjin's textbook mysteriously went missing before he said that it was at his place. So what if it turned out that the reason Minho waited so long was because he was quickly looking around his place for the book that he knew was there so this way he could give it back to Hyunjin as quick as possible, he still made Hyunjin worry for longer than necessary)...

_Or-_

Or, well, it's not like Hyunjin  _actually_ didn't tell Minho that he forgot the book because it interested Hyunjin. Totally not. That's be preposterous. Yup.

That's  _exactly_ why Hyunjin  _wasn't_ looking through the book at one in the morning, halfway to tears as the book explained new concepts of gender and sexuality that Hyunjin  _definitely_ didn't relate to.

_Yeah, totally not._

(If Hyunjin stays up way too late that night, the desk lamp and laptop open, the book opened up to a page that read  ** _nonbinary_** in large, bold letters before giving a brief general description of not being a guy or girl, or being both or neither, tabs on the computer showing site after site explain what it is, and a general feeling of  _So I'm not just a weirdo. I'm not the only one who feels this way_ overcoming Hyunjin...

Well, that's not something that anyone other than Hyunjin has to know, now is it?)

* * *

"Hey, Hyunjinie," Minho starts off as he places his tray on the lunch table, swinging his back off of his shoulders as gracefully as one can (much to both Hyunjin's annoyance _and_ endearment, sadly), "did I forget a book at your place yesterday?"

Hyunjin nods and goes to pull it out gently, placing it on top of the hand that Minho has placed on the table. "Yeah, I didn't realize until it was too late to call, though. Sorry about that."

"Nah, it's fine." He says, patting Hyunjin on the head. "Did you end up reading any of it?"

Hyunjin's eyes widen before self-awareness kicks in. "I'm sorry, what?"

Minho shrugs and lifts up the book, turning it so that Hyunjin could have a clear view of the cover. "You know, did you read any of it? It's an interesting book, I think you might like some of the things that you can find in here."

"You... do?"  _What did that even mean?_

"Yeah," Minho looks Hyunjin in the eyes, a smile on his face, "I mean, it's not a book that you'd probably find in the library. Wanna take it for a bit and read it? You can give it back when you're done."

Hyunjin spares a glance between Minho and the book. What exactly was Minho implying by this? Did he think that a book about LGBTQ+ identities was something that Hyunjin would relate too, or was he hoping that Hyunjin would read it so that, if he came out to Hyunjin as any of the identities talked about, that Hyunjin would already know what it was and not make any crude remarks? Maybe this was his way of asking what was Hyunjin's opinions and views on being queer without being direct about it? Maybe-

"Sure," Hyunjin gives Minho an easy smile, "I'd love to read it."

Hyunjin has so many questions right now that should be asked. Like, how did Minho even get his hands on the book in the first place? Did his parents know that he has this book? There are so many different things passing through Hyunjin's mind and it all keeps coming back to  _does Minho want me to read this for his sake or for my own? Or both?_

There's no time to ask Minho anything, though, because right as he hands the book back over to Hyunjin there's a thudding noise and suddenly Jisung and Jeongin are there and Minho's scolding Jisung for stealing some of his food even because _"Dude, you have your own food!" "It doesn't taste as good as yours, though!"_

(At some point - after Hyunjin has put the book away, Jisung and Minho talking about a test that they have later - there's an arm pressing up against Hyunjin's, who turns to see Jeongin give a warm smile in Hyunjin's direction, and suddenly Jeongin's comfortingly squeezing Hyunjin's hand while he tells Jisung that  _"Hey, maybe you should've studied last night instead of memorizing the lyrics to Jealousy."_

It makes Hyunjin wonder if it's something obvious that has Minho and Jeongin doing these things for Hyunjin, or if it's all just a happy coincidence that Minho's being nice and Jeongin's paying more attention to Hyunjin than usual.)

* * *

It's not like Hyunjin is purposely letting the book distract Hyunjin from doing work, not really. It's just, Hyunjin wants to  _learn_ , and doesn't want to have to wait until after 6 o'clock to start.

Every time Hyunjin gets a break from the assigned work - whether it be rearranging the kid's section to checking out someone's book - Minho's book is open to that  _one section_ that drew Hyunjin's eye last night. The more and more Hyunjin reads, the more and more Hyunjin wishes that the computer behind the counter was private enough to do this kind of research on without anyone easily finding out (even though someone could find out just as easily if they looked at the book every time Hyunjin had to leave it, but people only go to the library to cram for tests and do essays that they didn't finish that's due the next day, so Hyunjin's not too worried about that happening).

Anticipation is running through Hyunjin's veins by the time the clock strikes 6, and soon Hyunjin's on the bus, phone in hand and web browser open.

Before Hyunjin can actually continue the previous night's research, however, the phone vibrates and " ** _hanie:_** _did you know that there are gender neutral pronouns?_ " appears at the top of the screen. As quickly as possible, Hyunjin clicks on the message and it shows Jisung typing.

 **_hanie:_ ** _like_

 **_hanie:_ ** _some people use they and them_

 **_hanie:_ ** _and there are others too_

 **_hanie:_ ** _like xe/xir and ze/zir and ze/hir_

_**hanie:** idk this seems like something you'd be interested in knowing  
_

**_jinie:_ ** _did minho put you up to this?_

Is there something that Hyunjin's friends knew that Hyunjin didn't? There had to be, right? There's no  _way_ that this could just be a coincidence.

_**hanie:** what?_

**_hanie:_ ** _no???_

 **_hanie:_ ** _tbh im bored and writing an essay and its on gender roles of men and women_

 **_hanie:_ ** _and bada bing bada boom_

 **_hanie:_ ** _stuff like pronouns popped up_

 **_hanie:_ ** _idk you work in a library i thought you liked info_

...Okay, so  _maybe_ there was a chance that this could be a coincidence, but Hyunjin wouldn't put it past Minho to have planned this, either.

 _ **jin** **i**_ ** _e:_ ** _i mean yeah_

 ** _jinie:_  ** _i was just curious about the sudden interest_

 **_hanie:_ ** _ohhhh okay_

 **_hanie:_ ** _wait_

 **_hanie:_ ** _why would you think minho has anything to do with this_

 **_jinie:_ ** _uh dont worry about it_

 **_hanie:_ ** _o..kay?_

Hyunjin spends that night looking up what Jisung had mentioned, and ends up finding the word  ** _agender_** , falls in love with the definition of the word, thinks that  _this... this might be me_.

Hyunjin finds the tabs on the pronouns that Jisung had mentioned, feels an odd pang of unexplainable longing when reading about they/them pronouns, thinks that _hey, t_ _his is something that I want to use._

(If Hyunjin's eyes wandered over to the other pronouns, thoughts of  _what would it be like to be able to use these without the stigma_ playing through their head, well, that's just another thing to add to the "no one has to know" list.)

* * *

"I thought you said that looking at my ugly face was the last thing that you'd ever want to do on a weekend?" Minho's grin makes Hyunjin want to throw the drink they got him in his face.

"Oh, shut up." Hyunjin rolls their eyes.

"No, but seriously though," Minho's expression became worried, "are you okay? You usually don't call people to hang out like this."

Hyunjin nods and goes to take a sip of their drink. They can do this. Sort of. Maybe. Right? "Yeah," they say, "I just had to talk to you about something. Thought that it was too personal for texts and all that, no biggie."

Minho raises an eyebrow. "You didn't accidentally kill someone and need help hiding the body, did you? Because I'm sorry but library fires are one thing, but  _murder_? Yeah, no, I don't fuck with that."

Hyunjin slaps Minho's arm. "Okay, seriously. Shut up."

"Fine, fine."

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. They can do this. "Hey, so, uh, remember that book you let me borrow?" Hyunjin wait's until Minho nods to continue. "Was there any reason that you wanted me to read it?"

Minho shrugs. "I mean, yeah. A lot of people don't know that things like this is a thing, you know? And a lot of people are uneducated about these things. I figured that I might as well make it easy for you." He frowns. "I could be wrong but... I don't know, I've  _seen_ you, you know? Look at guys and stuff. When you don't think we're looking. Yeah." He rubs the back of his neck. "I didn't know if you thought it was a thing, so I thought that I could subtly help you."

Hyunjin blinks. "Oh, well, I mean, yeah, dude, I've known that I was bisexual for a while."

"Wait what." Minho looks at them with wide eyes. "You did?"

"Yeah. I didn't know if you'd be okay with it?"

"Oh,  _oh_ , yeah, no, I'm- yeah no that  _definitely_ fine like I'm, like, panromantic asexual, Jinie like-" Minho runs a hand through his hair and exhales. "Yeah."

"You... that isn't why I called you here." Hyunjin goes to rub the back of their neck. "I actually have something different to tell you?"

"Oh?" Minho leans forward. 

"Yeah, I..." Their voice trails off. They feel tears come to their eyes which- it's ridiculous, right? Hyunjin  _knows_ that Minho's not going to react badly because, as much as they like to call him an asshole, Minho's not only a supportive person, but is also the one who gave Hyunjin the book in the  _first place_. Hyunjin thinks back to all those nights ago, to when they first discovered the word. They can do this. "I'm, uh,"  _voice crack_ , "I'm agender." They whisper, hiding their face behind their hands.

Silence, and then there are arms wrapping around them and a voice whispering in their ear,  _"Hey, it's okay, you're fine Jinie."_

The two of them stay like that for a while, Hyunjin desperately wipes away their tears and  _why am I crying?_

"So..." Minho breaks the silence. "Pronouns?"

"They and them." Hyunjin says quietly. "Hey, uh. You didn't get Jisung to like, send me anything about a week an a half ago?"

Minho frowns. "No, not that I can remember. Why?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it."

( _Thanks, Jisungie._ )

* * *

Hyunjin comes out to the others a week later, Minho holding their hand while they tell them.

Jisung's the first to react, immediately going over to hug Hyunjin, Woojin and Jeongin quickly following.

The five of them end up in a cuddle pile that night, a movie that none of them really cares about playing on screen. They're all talking and laughing about miscellaneous topics, and Hyunjin takes a moment to just  _look_ at them, to bask in the moment.

(Time goes on, Minho starts acting like the asshole that he really is after Hyunjin's calmed down and is out to everyone. Peace has been restored, really.

If anyone asks Hyunjin would say that it was the book that helped, or Jisung's texts. They'd tell them about all the online research, all the websites. They'd tell them about the support the Minho gave, about how he's the one who gave Hyunjin the push that they needed.

Honestly, Hyunjin likes to pretend that all of this could've happened without Minho (for reasons more or less pertaining to their first meeting, and the fact that _dude, an_ apology _, at the very least,_ _would be nice_ ), but they know that that's not true at all.

Really, Hyunjin's just lucky to have such supportive people in their life.)

**Author's Note:**

> honestly the beginning of this fic makes it sound like i hate minho but asdfgfhjkl i love him, you know ;)  
> tbh the vast majority of this was written from 3-5a.m and idk how to fix it so yeah
> 
> Edit: Okay so right after I posted this I read about what happened to Hyunjin and wtf??? He doesn't deserve this )))): poor bb )):


End file.
